terça-feira, julho 18, 2006

Disconnected thoughtS

Maybe I am not really sure what I wanna say. Maybe all is just a selfish feeling in trying to prove myself that I still remember other language...maybe it’s all frustration for not knowing exactly how to express all the mess inside my thoughts...! and suddenly I realize that it’s not just a matter of portuguese or english or whatever language i come to learn! It’s not about an universal speakable convention of signs. Either way I hardly find the words. Either way I am not sure wich path to take. Is there a path I am supposed to go trough?

How long does it take a month to pass away? It’s almost all gone by and now i just dont really look forward to it anymore. Messed up everything as I ve done so many times before and as always, put up too much pressure and lost it all. Losing it all one more time...feels like just one more time, as if I am already used to it! It’s just one more time, but somehow tha sadness is not the loss itself, it’s the fact that it was all my fault. It could have been so much better if i were a little, just a little more patient. Funny how I actually wasnt that much envolved. Not as much as I let it look like!

So many things going on ... trying to get stuff together. Trying to make anysense of anything... looking for something I dont know exactly what. Maybe someone. Maybe just myself truly inside. Have you seen myself walking around? Have you seen my trail lost over somewhere else. Away... lonely... how long does it take a month to pass away? Guess the best answer is the one that said “it depends on how hard you want it to pass”.

I heard in a movie about the substitute girl... maybe i am the one. Maybe i learned to be the one as an excuse to hide myself of hurting. “Definetely maybe”. Learned to be by myself and enjoy the companies that “rise up”...! learned but I am not sure if thats the truth. Looking for something else. What if I am not into all the fucking crazy narcotic stuff....? What if i am not into all the fucking crazy narcotic stuff....? what if I really was born a little different and high; and what if i enjoy that? I know exactly who I am, all confused, alltogether happy and sad for moments; overexcited or not; that’s my narcotic substance... For now I am walking ... just wish i knew where to...

Um comentário:

Netogabiru, o Eremita disse...

doubts, doubts...